Naked Gun 1, 21/2 and 331/3 [* * * * *]

I've watched the whole series over the last few weeks - I love parody. The rapidfire jokes and the speed of action has probably never been repeated since.

Some of the imitations (George Bush, Thatcher, Gadafi, etc) are amazing. These are must-sees. David Zucker and his brother take political satire to new levels.

The sexual innuendo doesn't look as bad today as it did back in the 80s. I could even call it tame, compared to some of the movies I've seen since. That surprised me, since I didn't think I'd changed so much. I guess the world has changed around me and I have adapted to bawdiness more than I believed possible.

Marley and Me [* * * * * *]

A lovely movie about a guy, his family and his dog. He gets the dog for his wife to stay busy and not plan his life, but the dog's a monster and takes over their lives. Like most dogs I know, he can smash a house in seconds when he's lonely, ruins outings and embarrasses his family.

But like all dogs, he's adorable, and the family grows around him until he's old and dies. If you love animals you'll bawl your eyes out like I did in the end.

"A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, smart or dumb. If you give him your heart, he'll give you his. He makes you feel pure and special and brings out the best in you. How many people can you say that about? How many people make you feel good about yourself?"

I couldn't live without mine.:)

JVCD [* * * * * *]

Jean Claude Van Damme's incredibly difficult to write about. For me. He's a hunk, an animal activist with a passion - he goes straight to the top of my list for droolworthy.

But his life's been a mess, as is his career. His personal life is screwy, been divorced 4 times, bitterly. He's got just the kind of male attitude I hate - over the top insensitive and colouring all it touches with a rough monochrome self-centered brush. Bipolar.

Sued several times and criticized as a fake action star (falsely - he's a fighter), he's been unable to shake off his french accent which has affected his career. The media hate him and his fans, like me, try as I might, can't find anything to prove he's wonderful inside. He's handled his life as poorly as any of us.

You'd think he couldn't make a bad movie until you see the junk he's acted in. Not just junk movies, but incredibly juvenile over-acting to go with the b-grade beef-flicks. I felt martyred to even have to watch them.;/

AND THEN ... he makes JVCD!! What a treat. A wonderful view into the world of a 47 yr old man.

The movie is autobiographical with some farce to bring out the elements. You see a larger-than-life star image juxtaposed on an ordinary man. JVCD comes at the end of Van Damme's emotional, financial, career struggles. Things have spiralled out of control so far that they're irretrievable. You see his world from his eyes: his inability to break into Hollywood, his court battles, the media, the uncomprehending fans, his financial ruin; and his helplessness to change anything but his own perception of events.

In the movie he walks into a bank robbery. They force him to pretend that he's taken the bank hostage. He's as helpless as any victim against their guns, kickboxing is just useful entertainment for the real bad guys.

His parents are called by the police to appeal to him. You can see how shattered he is when he realises his parents believed him capable of such a thing, when they should know him better. How many of us have gone through this ... it's as traumatic as any other event in one's life.

He's starkly honest in an emotionally exhausted monologue that almost reduced him, and me, to tears.

The whole movie is superb, showcasing his range as an actor for the first time, in a very cynical and tired tarantino-style of movie-making. The sepia colours are perfectly middle-aged for a 47 yr old view of life. This is how we all look back at our lives. It's a one-way street of chain-reactions, as unstoppable as nuclear fission in a star.

Jean Claude Van Damme

I've been crazy about Van Damme since I was 23 or so. He looks like one of my first serious boyfriends, one that I've always regretted not marrying (though I wasn't in love with him. lol).

I've been watching a lot of his movies and I'll cover them in a Van Damme orgy.:)

Dirty Harry 3 [* *]

I'm almost ashamed I used to dream about Clint Eastwood when I was a kid. He's a chauvinistic monkey without the ... ok, I can't think of insults enough: He just seems uneducated these days. Unevolved. A moron who hasn't got (He was probably always like this, but I didn't notice before he developed wrinkles and my lust subsided.;)

Esp in this movie. He is incoherent and mumbles juvenile psuedo-philosophy like a failed 10th std pass. He fills his movies with naked women who get shot on the chest (why, you sicko??! it's limp, small and sad when you don't have any naked men for us to view who get shot in balls. What a pitiful man you've become.) I think he even has an asian teen ask him how she can go to bed with him, the pathetic old man he is! Thu.

I'd advice everyone to NOT watch any of this dirty clinty series unless they're over 70 like him.

Dinosaur, 2000 [* * * * *]

It's a terrific movie, but nothing compared to Jurassic Park.
In fact, it was begun around the same time as JP, but Dinosaur by Walt Disney was finished later. Now, the best aspect of this movie is that, unlike the Speilberg version, it has some lessons in living (Speilberg abhors teaching morality, and favoured the carnal when it comes to animals). Disney on the other hand is far more comfortable with using animals to teach people how to live, love and learn.

The best part of the movie is the teaching of herd behaviour as opposed to domination. How to work together instead of the usual savage 'the strong may live' that is characteristic of dinosaur movies.

The story is lovely: An egg was carried over and nurtured by a band of monkeys, and when the dinosaur has grown, a meteor shower destroys the island on which they live. A few monkeys and Aladar, the dino, escape by swimming away and join a band of dinos headed towards their nesting grounds to escape the starvation of meteor-hit land.

The terrifying Carnotaurs and scavenging birds keep the band moving until the autocratic Kron, head honcho, makes a mistake. He leads the band to a dead-end and refuses to listen to Aladar's reasons. The herd is also trapped by a Carnotaur. What does Aladar do?

Watch the movie and find out!:p

On the whole the colours are brilliant and the story simple. There's a bit of violence, but justified in explaining the world dominated by reptiles.

Ice Age 2 [* * * * * *]

Far better than Ice Age for kids, this one had all the elements of romance, danger, teaching herd behaviour and tons of fun.

This one was about the meltdown. The animals must move across a valley to prevent a flood of melting ice. There's an ark they need to get to. They run across a mammoth who thinks she's a possum and the two fall in love with each other. Very exciting and fun with geysers and floods and prehistoric alligators. Anyone will enjoy this movie.

I must say this Ice Age series keeps improving. We have a new one the 3rd, coming up this month!