2nd Week of Feb

The whole week seemed to be about teens and american teenage aspirations - it brings home to me how much I've grown old and beyond.:)

The.Wackness (2008) [* * * *] - An interesting friendship between a teenaged drug dealer and a psychiatrist makes both of them better able to deal with the reality of their loneliness. It always astonishes me to see how the US perception of drugs has changed to acceptance since their sources became canadian and afghan.:)

Mystery Team (2009) [* * *] - A group of teens avoid dealing with reality by solving mysteries.

The.Bad.Lieutenant.Port.of.Call.New.Orleans (2008) [* * *] - A drug-addicted policeman, Nicholas Cage, in post-Katrina New Orleans muddles through every situation to getting lucky and being promoted.

Charlie Bartlett (2008)[* * *] - An interesting story about a teen who sells drugs and psychotherapy in school to make friends. The US is in an 'accept difference' fad since the 60s.:)

Ping Pong Playa (2007) [* * *] - A chinese teen learns to deal with reality by helping out his family's ping pong sports business.

Pirate Radio (2009) [* *] - The camera swung around so much to imitate the sea that I got seasick and couldn't watch. A teen-run radio on a ship.:)
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The Promotion (2009) [* *] - About two guys competing for a managerial post at a grocery store.

The Messenger (2009) [* *] - I hate movies about the Iraq invasion and this was about a soldier who carries news of the death to the families in the US, so I didn't enjoy it.

In the Loop (2009) [* *] - A british political satire.

Women in Trouble (2009) [* *] - A bunch of women and their stories. Unfortunately, American women don't really have stories except about sex. The sad reality of affluence.:)

Young People Fucking (2009) [* *] - A bunch of couples and their stories .... about sex. (lol!)

Jackie (2010)[Kannada][* *]

I'd like to admit straight off that I hardly watch any indian movies, so this is a one-off. I was astonished at how little I liked the movie. That got me thinking about how far away from my own culture I've grown to find a fairly popular film crass, crude and sad.

The hero is ordinary looking, ugly even, talks ugly, and his acting is atrocious, but he's related to a very popular star, the late Dr. Rajkumar, so he could swing it. I guess that's the thing about dynastic caste-based India; in films, politics and business, all you need to do is be born into it. (George Bush Sr. and Jr., the Kennedys, ... caste isn't limited to our country.:)

The movie was shocking in so many ways - corrupt cops talking about how they do their rounds to collect bribes from all the vendors, vying for tv appearances, playing judge and jury and shooting perpetrators. It was quite a statement about the corrupt government in Karnataka. Shame on them all - the actors, directors, writers and producers - for winking at such disgusting misappropriation of power in a great democracy.

But ... perhaps I judge too harshly because I live here. As for the movie, the camera quality was poor, the actors couldn't act, the script was a pastiche of disjointed events - even the songs and fight sequences were ho-hum. Where've all the good movies gone? Rajkumar even had better-looking heroines and line-dancers behind him ... 50 yrs ago!

2nd Week of Jan

One of the biggest problems with the opportunity to watch more movies is the number of duds go up.:) I find myself growing weary of feature length films that were made poorly. I guess more people are able to find the money to make movies these days. Makes me glad they have the opportunity and sad that they waste it.

The Sorcerers Apprentice (2010) [* * * *] This one had potential until it was just a vehicle for a scene from the mickey mouse version by the same name in fantasia. Gad, I hate it when disney sells us recycled ideas.:( This is the second Disney movie with Nicholas Cage in it - I'd have hated him as a child so I'm not sure what they're up to.

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps (2010) [* * * *] Gordon Gekko is back from jail for insider trading and his daughter is dating a wall street guy. Gekko gives him advice that turns out to be right and wins their trust.

Life As We Know It (2010) [* * *] A couple dies and leaves their baby to two single friends. This is about their relationship. A lot of rapidfire american repartee, if you like that sort of thing.

The Other Guys (2010) [* * *] A comedy about two cops who're trying to be heroes. Quite entertaining, but over-the-top.

The A-Team (2010) [* * *] The old A-team redone with modern references and a new story. Alright for guy-movie fans.

The.Town.2010 [* * *] Ben Afleck made this watchable. Its about bank robbers and how their network keeps them doing the same thing over and over again.

The Twilight Saga Eclipse (2010) [* *] Vampires and werewolves, really boringly slow and affected, which is perfect for teens and twenties that it is made for.

Machete (2010) [* *] Another guy-movie - lots of violence, blood, gore and naked women.

You again (2010) [* *] About meeting your own school bully in later life.

Brooklyns Finest (2009) [* *] Another movie shot in the dark - I wonder why so many directors are doing it these days - saving on sets? Anyway, the story is forgettable.

First Week of January 2011

Here's a bunch of movies I didn't much care for:

• Inception (2010) [* *] - Leonardo diCaprio is trying to implant an idea in a dreamworld into a billionaire's mind. Annoying actor, that one.
•  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One (2010) [* * * *] - The movie is entirely shot in the dark. Oh well, just being a J K Rowling fan makes me give this 2 stars more than it deserves.:) The book isn't too good either, so the movie just follows. She was being honest when she said she was tired of Harry Potter.
• Easy A (2010) [* *] - A college girl lies about a date and the gossip makes her out to be a skank. It ruins her reputation, loses her her friends and finally breaks a marriage. So forgettable.
• Devil (2010) [* *] - Night Shyamalan's been making a bunch of duds these days. This is one more of them. 6 people trapped in an elevator by the devil who wants their soul. All but one die for their sins.
• Salt (2010) [* * *] - Kurt Wimmer, the director, I thought could have done better. A russian sleeper agent in the US turns anti-russian in an action drama. Um, not very interesting though I'd hoped for more. 
• Scott Pilgrim vs the World (2010) [*] - Don't watch this unless you're below12. Your IQ, I mean.:d

Hot Tub Time Machine(2010)[* *]

I'm always surprised people would spend money making bad movies. Really, when you're putting millions into something, a lot of work storyboarding and paying 30 - 40 people's work hours, wouldn't you pick a meaningful script or at least a quality one? Its life-hours you're wasting. Give the money to charity and do the world a favour.:)

This is the first low-budget nonsensical movie of 2010 I've seen. Not worth the2.5 hours of watching unless you're a Cusack fan. He's gotten himself top-billed on really bad movies of late.

Wolf (* *) 1994

I almost always regret watching Jack Nicholson movies. Though I really like him and Michelle Pfeiffer, they haven't done a good movie in years (well, Bucket List is more of a good script than a good movie).
This is really one of the many b-grade horrors with top-notch actors.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: Lightning Thief [2010] (* *)

I notice my list of ** and *** is sparse, but this is purely because I hate to review the bad films and just delete them.:) But I'll make an attempt to keep it even.

This movie is a monumental waste of time. I mean, for 2010 and fine actors like Uma Thurman, Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean to work on such tasteless, B-grade films ... what's going on??

The story is a quest for Zeus's lightning bolt stolen by a demi-god in urban america. Greek gods come down and mate with humans once in a while and abandon their kids. Percy Jackson is accused of stealing it, and returns it to save his mother.

Duh! I'm sure that will appeal to the unprecedented number of absentee-parent kids of divorce. But its as b-grade as a movie can get in the fantasy realm. I always thought it would be interesting to do something similar with the Indian pantheon of gods, but this story was so boring, I hope no one attempts it.:)

Armegeddon [1998] (* *)

Bruce Willis has been growing dull since the late 80s. I think his peak performance was in the tv serial Moonlighting [1985] (* * * * *) with Cybill Sheperd. Anyway, its another end-of-the-world sci fi.

But just because he's charming when he smiles, I watched a bunch of his movies that I'll review all at once today. I had a massive crush on him in the 80s, before he revealed himself to be a musclehead by marrying the horrible Demi Moore and being Republican.:)

The Whole Nine Yards [2000] (* * * *) was quite a lot of fun - didn't expect Bruce to do a good comedy after his tv days.

He followed this up with The Whole Ten Yards [2004] (* *) which was less funny and interesting but did add to the storyline. I suspect Mathew Perry had a lot to do with the humour - he's a great fallguy.

His Blind Date [1987] (* * * *) with Kim Basinger was quite comic too but not nearly as romantic as it should have been. Perfect Stranger [2007] (* *) with Halle Berry was bad on all counts except twist. Unlike all his other attempts, he really seemed to have a thing for Cybill Sheperd - the kind of magic that made his first his best!

Night Shyamalan brought out the best in him in Sixth Sense and the Fifth Element couldn't have gone wrong - both amazing stories of the paranormal. Perhaps Death Becomes Her can be added to the list of a worth-watching, but not because of him. Then there's the Die Hard 1, 2 and 3, Mercury Rising, etc. all fairly good for the genre of superviolent action movies. But that's it. What went wrong, Bruce?

Iron Man 2 (2010) [* *]

I really liked the first Iron Man but this second one was so boring despite the elaborate sets they blew up to entertain. The most boring movies have very little meaningful dialogue and take the audience for granted. This sequel does both in excess.

The original had the transformation of a man from a casual death-dealing arms manufacturer to world protector, however superficially (since he was american and the arms race is in their blood now). In this sequel, you see Tony Stark go back to being a casual american jerk; and worse, the two main female characters are reduced to being mindless models given high positions for their poses! Gwenyth Paltrow refused to show more than a doozy blonde bimboness from start to finish. And, really, Robert Downey Jr. and she had no zing. Why don't they replace both?:p

I've begun to realise I hate movies with Scarlett  Johansson. I don't know what directors see in her, but she's been bagging fabulous roles and reducing them to forgettable for a few years now - as Black Widow, she's doing it again here.:)

I was so disappointed.

Shark Tale ( 2004)[* *]

Walt Disney movies always feel incomplete but I can't put my finger on it - it's probably just all the superficiality and the feeling that all the characters are crackheads in real life. lol

This is another of those. A 'different' and vegetarian shark who's the son of the mafia godfather of white sharks teams up with a get-rich-quick schemer guppy. That's it. It's implied that the 'different' shark is gay and the guppy isn't bad, just hetero. lol. Sad, sad.

The colours are aquarium shades, so quite pretty. But that's all.

My Name is Khan (2010) [* *]

I've hesitated to write about this movie because I don't enjoy bollywood movies much, and I didn't like a lot of things in it. But then I decided I have to speak my mind on this whole Obama craze the world is currently in. In this movie Shahrukh Khan goes to see the new President to stop the abuse of muslims in the US. A fine sentiment, but really Obama isn't going to take a stand for anyone. What has Obama done to date?

The occupation of Iraq is still on. The US army is still in Afghanistan. Guantanamo Bay still keeps its inmates. I mean, he even said he'd go vegan if he ever gets to the White House when he got the animal rights' votes - he's still gobbling land and sea animals by the dozen to this day ... and his Nobel Prize for Peace while he's reneging on every campaign promise he's made ... it's enough to make anyone's blood boil.

That being said, it was good to see an autistic indian man for a change as a hero. Kajol looks good with her plastic surgeries but sounds awful trying to be cute. Same goes for SRK's put-on cuteness, though I suspect he can't help it either. He looks older than he is (gawd, I discuss indian movies like the actors are my neighbours.:p).

The tear-jerker got nearly everyone in the theatre and I'm no exception - it was mostly the music, I think. Hate having my emotions drawn out for no good reason, especially when it's overacting drama-kings. lol

I wouldn't recommend it unless you're over 65 and enjoy that kind of torture.

Diamond Dawgs (2009) [* *]

If you're looking for a low-budget, smooth movie without many surprises and, yay, no jarring background effects, this is a good watch.

A successful rap group gets carjacked during a party and a dj gets killed, the masters of their new release is still in the car. Soon after, the Diamond Dawgs, the group that did the robbery,  is the talk on the streets - everyone but the rap artistes know who did it. What follows is interestingly, what happens in most cases where people don't trust the police - they try to deal with the robbers directly.

Very low stress movie - if you watch it with lowered expectations, it's quite alright.

Dirty Harry 3 [* *]

I'm almost ashamed I used to dream about Clint Eastwood when I was a kid. He's a chauvinistic monkey without the ... ok, I can't think of insults enough: He just seems uneducated these days. Unevolved. A moron who hasn't got (He was probably always like this, but I didn't notice before he developed wrinkles and my lust subsided.;)

Esp in this movie. He is incoherent and mumbles juvenile psuedo-philosophy like a failed 10th std pass. He fills his movies with naked women who get shot on the chest (why, you sicko??! it's limp, small and sad when you don't have any naked men for us to view who get shot in balls. What a pitiful man you've become.) I think he even has an asian teen ask him how she can go to bed with him, the pathetic old man he is! Thu.

I'd advice everyone to NOT watch any of this dirty clinty series unless they're over 70 like him.

Spiderman 3 [* *]

http://www.criticsrant.com/Images/criticsrant_com/DVD_Spider-Man%203/spiderman3poster.jpg
I'm usually a big fan of Spidey and his movies, but this one was a loser. (Of course, the whole thing was dubbed in spanish, which might account for my lack of comprehension, but then ... what's so difficult to get about boys turned superheroes?;)

They bring in a bit of an abusive boyfriend in him, a weaker MJ who can't get a job, an alien (gawd why?:s)sticky thing which makes him a bad spider for a while. The colours are darker - probably following the darker Star Wars - he even dons a dark suit.

I can usually tolerate Toby McGuire's slackjaw appearance, but when he makes a fool of himself playing a jango, he borders on being slimy.

The movie did nothing for Spiderman's image, which was already weakening in woman troubles in the comics. This one makes him appear really confused between who he really ought to be fighting.

Hancock, 2008 [* *]

Hancock is an ... well, 'asshole' comes to mind ... for everyone who sees him in action. He's a superhero with a really bad attitude. Anyway, along comes this truly nice guy, a failed PR manager who's trying to sell the concept of giving to corporates (lol, no wonder he fails!) and trying to convince them to help the world.

Hancock saves him. That nice guy changes Hancock's public image and that nice guy's wife turns out to be a superwoman counterpart to Hancock. Sounds like fun? It is, kinda ... but it misses out on something essential. Something we probably value more than frankness vs. good PR - Heart.

The movie doesn't have heart. Will Smith is probably to blame for this - he's grumpy and lazy throughout the movie, mumbling and looking bored. Can't energize an audience trying to play it cool, Mr.Smith, not that cool anyway.

The heroine dresses skimpily and inappropriately and makes hungry eyes at Hancock all the time behind her husband's back and treats her precious hubby like an idiot ... what's with all this? Cuckolding is angelic now??? Still, if you can swallow this americanized marriage-for-convenience bullshit as gospel; and that the true way to live is repressed-superherodom, then you might like the movie.